#41 學習瑞典文 On Learning Swedish I
真正見過對語言有學習天份的人，與他們相比，我的瑞典文之路實在沒什麼可取之處。但鑒於近期我和他人討論學習瑞典文的頻率來到新的高峰，遂想來紀錄我的瑞典文學習歷程。
提示在先，儘管知道大家喜歡看「我怎麼做到瑞典文流利」這類文章，但這完全不是一篇成功學習心得分享文，比較是「我怎麼還卡關」的挫敗文。鑑於我暫且還會在瑞典住下去，這篇或許是我學習瑞典文的另一個起點。
所有搬到瑞典的外國人，「那你會說瑞典文嗎？/你的瑞典文如何了?」這類問句，大概不消多久就會榮登人生最常被提問的問題。一樣的問題，我的答案在過去幾年相差不遠，但這一陣子明顯感受的提問者對於我說我不懂瑞典文的態度有很大的轉變。前三年剛來唸書，大家都非常寬容也覺得不講瑞典文沒什麼，「瑞典人英文很好，妳不需要瑞典文！」他們總是這樣說。再兩年過去，新認識的人少了大家也大概都知道我的瑞典文程度在哪裡，也不怎麼討論這個問題。
但在過去幾個月，尤其是結了婚和拿到公民之後，「會瑞典文」成為一件有壓力的事。申請護照那天，到警察局填資料，和辦事人用瑞典文說我只會一點瑞典文，可以說英文嗎？她立刻回我：「但妳已經是瑞典公民了。」；印象有一天被邀請去了一個聚會，雖然有非瑞典人被邀請，但最後只有我和其他八位瑞典人，並且超過一半的人我從沒見過，心裡真的掙扎一波最後還是去了，還好我一臉就是不會講瑞典文，整場沒有一秒陷入大家都用瑞典文講話而我鴨子聽雷的窘境，但最後大家還是討論了一陣我要如何在年底參加聚會時，可以和他們用瑞典文溝通，真的是太看得起我了。
而壓力不只是來自於可有可無的社交，也漸漸來自工作和家庭。以前可能沒有特別注意，但日漸覺得在工作上懂得瑞典文是個必須要有的能力(儘管工作上幾乎都是全英文)，首先是越來越常注意到自己處在都是瑞典人的會議裡。參加這種會議時，如果因為其他會議耽擱了幾分鐘遲到，就會進到瑞典文講得正起勁的節奏，雖然大家多半會意識到我進來了而改成英文，但也曾有人開玩笑說，啊我以為妳懂得瑞典文，而我身為台灣人，每每對這種因為我而亂了節奏的討論而感到微微不舒快。還有一次是和廠商合作，整場工作人員十來位，又我一個非瑞典人（及女性)，當時就深切感到溝通的斷裂和不便。
曾經有同事寫了一段話使我感動，大意就是我沒必要因為大家只為了我講英文而感到抱歉，話是這樣說，其實還是很希望自己能更無縫銜接對話，或至少聽得懂別人在說什麼，然後英文回覆無妨。
或許更令人挫折的是，現在身為瑞典家庭的一份子，不會瑞典文使得執行家庭義務也困難重重。原本和高高的核心家庭溝通無虞，因為他阿姨嫁給了一位英國人，他們從小就很習慣用英文溝通，家裡也常看英文節目。但上週參加葬禮時，身為葬禮的主辦方，得接待前來致意的賓客，見到了許多遠房親戚，他們說許多人很期待見到我，卻不是所有人都能轉換語言自如。我站在一圈瑞典文充斥的環境，懊悔過去怎麼沒再多認真一些。台灣親戚問起我和瑞典家人相處時，是不是也像在台灣一樣瘋癲，我說不，我可文靜地像是模範媳婦。
現在當大家聽到我已經住在瑞典超過六年，漸漸對於我還不會瑞典文感到困惑，甚至還有人不相信我不會瑞典文，
堅持我只是假裝不會。這當然不只是個人問題，還有瑞典社會對移民的保守主義崛起有關，申請公民需要通過語言檢定也是可預期的。
行文至此已經太長，下一篇再來聊我究竟如何把瑞典文學成了這樣。
Hundred-Day Writing Project #41: On Learning Swedish I
Truly witnessing those gifted in language learning, my path in Swedish seems lacking in comparison. However, as discussions about learning Swedish have recently peaked in frequency for me, I feel compelled to document my thoughts of learning Swedish.
Before delving further, though it's known that many prefer reading articles about "How I mastered Swedish fluently," this is not one of those tales of success but rather a narrative of setbacks. Considering my ongoing stay in Sweden, this might mark another starting point in my Swedish language learning.
For all foreigners who move to Sweden, questions like "Do you speak Swedish? / How's your Swedish?" probably become one of the most frequently asked questions in life within few years. My response to this same question hasn't varied much over the past few years, but recently, I've noticed a shift in the attitudes of those asking about my lack of Swedish proficiency. During the first three years of my studies here, everyone was very understanding and felt speaking Swedish wasn't necessary, "Swedes speak good English anyway, you don't really need Swedish!" they would always say. Fast forward two more years, with fewer new acquaintances and most people having a general idea of my level of Swedish, this topic didn't come up much.
However, in recent months, especially after getting married and obtaining citizenship, "knowing Swedish" has become a slightly pressurizing matter. On the day I applied for my passport, filling out forms at the police station when I asked in Swedish if the staff could speak English because I only knew a little Swedish, the response was immediate: "But you're already a Swedish citizen."
Another instance was when I was invited to a gathering, although other non-Swedes were invited, it ended up being just me and eight other Swedes, more than half of whom I had never met before. I struggled internally but decided to attend in the end, luckily my cluelessness in Swedish spared me from any awkward moments of being the odd one out in a conversation dominated by Swedish, which truly touched me. However, towards the end, there was a discussion on how I could communicate in Swedish during the gathering by the end of the year.
The pressure isn't just from optional social interactions but gradually from work and family as well. Previously, I might not have paid much attention, but I increasingly feel that understanding Swedish at work is a necessary skill, even though work is mostly conducted in English. Firstly, I'm starting to notice that I'm often in meetings where everyone else is Swedish. When joining such meetings, if I'm a few minutes late due to another meeting, I might enter to find everyone engaged in a lively discussion in Swedish. While most switch to English upon my arrival, there have been jokes about assuming I understood Swedish, and as a Taiwanese, I often feel slightly uncomfortable with discussions disrupted because of me. Another time, when collaborating with an agency on a project, out of about ten staff members, I was the only non-Swede (and female), and I keenly felt the communication barriers and inconvenience.
Once, a colleague wrote something that touched me deeply, essentially saying I didn't need to apologize for everyone speaking English just because of me. While that's true, I still hope to seamlessly join conversations or at least understand what others are saying and reply in English without hindrance.
Perhaps even more frustratingly, being part of a Swedish family now, not knowing Swedish poses significant challenges in fulfilling family duties. Initially, communication with the core family, being used to English communication as E’s father's sister married a British, and they've been accustomed to using English from childhood, was effortless. However, last week, during a funeral where I was one of the hosts receiving guests, I met many distant relatives who were eager to meet and talk to me, but not all could switch languages easily. Standing in an environment filled with Swedish, I regret not taking learning more seriously in the past.
My Taiwanese relatives asked me if I was crazy and hilarious when I met my Swedish family as I am in the family gatherings in Taiwan. I said no, I am quiet and behave like the shy daughter-in-law usually with the Swedes.
Now, when people hear that I've been living in Sweden for over six years, they gradually become confused about my lack of Swedish proficiency, and some even refuse to believe that I don't know Swedish, insisting that I'm just pretending (I wish). This is not just a personal issue but also reflects the rising conservatism towards immigrants in Swedish society, as evidenced by the language proficiency requirement for citizenship application in the foreseeable future.
This text has already become too lengthy; I'll share how I actually managed not to master Swedish in the past years in the next piece.